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17th April 2005

10:09pm: a through z

30th January 2005

10:10pm: ive made a new lj name. and i wont be updating or using this one after it. here it is:


thefelixepisode


enjoy! add me por favor.....

29th January 2005

11:02pm: ive had a lot of time lately to look up things online and all that jazz lately, and i hit something that was quite interesting to me. i know this sounds crazy, but i was looking up this verse of the bible, and it spoke of the isrealites fasting. so i looked it up, and im deeply considering it. going on a fast for a week or so.....

this site really put it in perspective as to why i would want to do this sort of things. especially that last paragraph or two.

www.freedomyou.com/fasting_book/Preparing_For_Your_Fast.htm

tell me what you think of this. stupid? funny? wierd?
well i dont really care, im just interested in other's reactions.....

and im starting wednesday, the day after court. maybe i can start looking inward and change myself in the process. because i dont like who i am and my method of doing things. but i'll save that for another post........
Current Mood: deep in thought

28th January 2005

3:53pm: its really hitting me hard now. my actions have already done so much harm or caused so much pain. i didnt think about anything. i never planned this to happen. if i would have just taken a step back, and looked at what i was doing, i might not be here right now in this terrible predicament. but its easier to say that i guess, after everything happens. much, much easier.

im trying to move on though. i dont want to regress to what i used to be. that one kid you see with his head down all the time, never looking up to see the world. the obvious tear stains....not fun.... although i wont have much, i dont want to miss out on anything. does this even make sense? i dont really care. im typing really fast. this whole thing has taken exactly .93 minutes. simply amazing......
Current Mood: thoughtful

26th January 2005

9:24pm: the hours are slowly passing....
if you havent heard about "the incident" as i call it by now, thats too bad. im not explaining it to one more person, ever. especially through this "journal" of mine.

my court date = tuesday.

so if you dont see me in school, you know why. im nervous about it too. my step dad said it could either be really bad, or not too bad....depending on the judge. and ive heard stories about this guy....... oh well. this is my fault, and ive learned from the past few days more than ever that taking responsiblity for something feels way better than any other option. so my life is at a virtual standstill for a few months i think. oh well, i probably need this in a way or two anyways.......


fjpauoidhfqwhyapoijfqpowfdopqowijopqipoiqwjoqijfwdowqifjqjfthispwoijfqwfjtoqiwjfq-0myselfpa0odfj0-[au?
Current Mood: guilty

25th January 2005

7:30pm: Did you know?

------------
The smiley face, a yellow button with a smile and two dots representing eyes, was invented by Harvey Ball in 1963 for a Worcester, Massachusetts based insurance firm State Mutual Life Assurance. Though there was an attempt to trademark the image, it fell into the public domain before that could be accomplished.

The graphic was popularized in the early 1970s by a pair of brothers, Murray and Bernard Spain, who seized upon it in a campaign to sell novelty items. The two produced buttons as well as coffee mugs, t-shirts, bumper stickers and many other items emblazoned with the symbol and the phrase "Have a happy day" (devised by Murray). By 1972 there were an estimated 50 million happy face buttons throughout the U.S., at which point the fad began to subside.

The smiley was one of the main icons adopted by the acid house dance music culture that emerged in the early 1990s. Especially in the UK, the logo was especially associated in the dance culture underground with the drug Ecstasy.
-------------

because i didnt.....
Current Mood: disappointed

20th January 2005

11:02pm: finally
its finally happening. to me. you know, the guy in the back, the silent one. im so excited. i cant believe this. and this weekend will be amazing. i hope everyone is going to the show saturday. im hoping to meet up with all of you at one point. so be there......or be.....not there i guess.....
Current Mood: ecstatic

19th January 2005

10:41pm: tonight ive been reminiscing(sp?) about the beginning of high school. in just a year, it will be over. i have so much left to do, so much to experience, so many people to meet and talk too. this brought me to the thoughts of the first day.....so long ago. so many people i saw that were accustomed to this life im in now. but i was new, i didnt know much. i just wanted to fit in. i watched as people got into their groups. they slowly changed themselves to get there. i watched as these people changed. i didnt say anything when i should have. i didnt back away when i should have as well. and during this entire time, i was changing as well. i havent really took time to think of this until tonight. im not the same person as three years ago. ive done so much, and yet i could have done more. all of these memories are going through my head for a flash of a second, only to be replaced by another. ive grown attached to certain people, while losing others. those people ive lost i see in the hallways daily. but i dont have the nerve to go up to them again and learn what they are up to, to talk to them, even if it is about the past. we both look into eachothers eyes for just a second, remembering all the old memories we had. but then we come to realize that it was too long ago. its not the same anymore. i dont even know the person im looking at, except for a name.........
and then i return to the present again. after all of these thoughts in the past, i think about what is to come. what can i do now to make myself better? im not really happy at the moment. and i read of all these people whose emotions fluctuate so quickly. their lives are based on events that dont even truly matter, they will be forgotten by the next passing day. i dont want that at all. i want to find a passion, a meaning to me being here. and now that im actually thinking of this, i might as well start thinking of after high school. when all these people i know are gone, and my security blanket of routine is snatched away. and the only familiar faces are those who still get online to chat with me. even then, we will be miles away. and then we will slowly drift apart. and new friends will be made. and i will be right back where i started reminiscing, only in college. i guess this is how life is for everyone.....

i guess im just comfortable right now where i am except for in a few areas and i really dont want to leave this place.......
Current Mood: contemplative
4:43pm: umph!!!
Current Mood: horny

17th January 2005

10:41pm: this whole weekend was interesting. i worked like none other. but i still found time to hang out with people. after work on friday i sat on my car with her for an hour. it was fun, but incredibly cold. everytime im around her i get that feeling that i havent felt for a long long while.....a connection of sorts..... i dont know, maybe it was the frostbite......
she called me and left a long long awkward message. i called her back, and she had done it on purpose. i loved it. hopefully i we will be able to spend some time together. i really want to get to know her better. this is what ive been looking for for a long time. i had given up, and then she appears as if from nowhere. wierd how life works out. but enough about that....

lately there has been a lot of drama around my work because people are jealous and all that good stuff. i tried to stay out of it, but somehow i turn around and im right in the middle of it. luckily for me, im good with both sides now. in fact, its brought me closer together with everyone. mahahaha....

i decided to call my dad to hang out with him for awhile. i never get to see him or melanie, and fun was had. they were at starbucks talking with friends, and he wanted me to come. i loved the look on my stepmoms face when she saw my hair, it was that shocked look that i live for nowadays with her. but she really liked it. my dad had gotten up for abit and wasnt there when i entered starbucks. so after my stepmoms look of shock, i got one more out of my dad! it was great. he likes it too.

"why red, dan, im just curious?"
"because they told me too"
"who did"
"they did dad, they did"
"so....(looks all around starbucks thinking of a topic changer).....what kind of coffee do you like again?"

best conversation ive had with mi padre for a long while. then i was off to work for awhile...this is too long to explain all that happend there....i'll save it for later days......
Current Mood: excited
8:10am: i havent posted in a long while. ive just been way to busy with work and other things. but i have just a little time now so...here i go....

over the past two weeks alot has happened. my parents finally trust me again. im now allowed to go out and do things that i previously wouldnt even consider asking for.

i went cosmic bowling with some friends and i had tons of fun. before that though, we had to stop at the flea market and check out all the cool things in there. i was the only one that wasnt scared of the mexicans, and i even danced to their funky ghetto music.....and then ran away.........alot happened while bowling.kate has officially pronounced me her pimp. i figured out i bowl better when im not sober with flashy lights and crazy music in the background. and this is going to be an every weekend type thing. because of this, i decided to steal some bowling shoes. ahhahaha....i think theyre pretty hot actually.

and one more thing before i go.....i got my hair colored. i did it myself and i think it turned out quite nicely. its this dark red. preeeeettty hot, or so im told.......
Current Mood: exhausted

11th January 2005

8:26pm: oh hell yeah
You scored as Mushrooms. Shrooms! You're still goin for one of the most natural drugs. You'd like to visit a whole other world, and see things you've never seen before. Fucking trippy.

</td>

Marijuana

81%

Mushrooms

81%

None!

56%

Ecstacy

56%

Inhalents

56%

Alcohol

44%

Cocaine

38%

What's your ideal drug?
created with QuizFarm.com


i found this quite funny...thanks kate
Current Mood: happy

22nd December 2004

12:21am: i love christmas break
today = best day ive had for a while

i wake up and my parents tell me they want to go.........ice skating!! i love to skate, even though im pretty bad at it. so before hand, i go with them to best buy and barnes+nobles. it was nice, because i never get to spend time with mi padre. i found the cd player i want for my car, and im getting it tomorrow. im sick of the damn radio......

and then we were off to the ice rink. it was all the way in fishers, a 45 minute drive. backside to that is that they listened to christmas music the entire way there. dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that, and i love christmas. its just i gotta put up with it for 5 HOURS EVERYDAY I GO TO WORK. so by the end i was screaming jingle bell rock as loud as i could so they would turn it off. but it backfired, the entire family started screaming it, and i swear we got so many looks from people in the parking lot. it was great. and i didnt even fall once when i got on the ice. took some good pics too, i'll put one up later for anybody who cares....

then i called my good old friend ryan. he moved to ohio last year, and i think hes coming up here and staying at my place for a few days, including new years. its gonna be just like last year ......hahahha....i guess you had to be there. i cant wait. flea markets + flashy thingies + me driving= best time of my life......

almost done......then i went to a friend's place and we went to starbucks. the manager's name is roger, and we had a huge conversation with him. he even picked out the type of coffee we wanted because we couldnt make up our minds. i kicked her ass at checkers, and then we went to ........the tiny arcade at the regal theater. it was so much fun. then we drove around plainfield, and i pissed some woman off in the parking lot and she followed me around for awhile. we lost her and went back to her place and listened to music til her mom told me to go home. hahaha. now im here.

halo 2 is the best game ever........
Current Mood: happy

17th December 2004

11:41pm: after work i went to steak and shake with friends from work. everyone there is so cool. i almost forgot how interesting certain people can be. at one point i was just listening to everyone talk, i just zoned out. thinking to myself how much cooler can i get?. i havent laughed that hard in a long while. god i need to get out more often.

it was nice hanging out with people for a change, instead of sitting in my lonely room by myself. getting my freedom back was one of the best feelings in the world......

and tomorrow should be fun too. after 10 hours at work, mandi and i are going to the show!! and shes driving!! it should be great fun...greatfun... the only bad thing is that im gonna miss my brother's band and kyle's....but no matter,iguess..

one last thing....its been 2 1/2 weeks since the incident.....thats good for me....
Current Mood: content

9th December 2004

10:58pm: this may be my last
Take fire out of heaven's clenched fist. cracks slip between my desire to keep your broken heart bleeding. just hold tight and tell another fucking joke to pacify the urge for suicide. you know it won't keep waiting, so say goodbye because I never want to hear another word about you and I.
You know...you never stop. now we started out just running out spreading like wings and we are one. I pulled you right out of the gutter when I could have bee lined. we started out just running out spreading like wings. what were we supposed to do? You belong to me and what are we supposed to do?
Suck it in, spit it out. you know that two's a crowd? Expectant mother's stillborn baby beauty cries aloud and tries to tell you what I'm about. now don't you worry about a little thing like this it only hurts just a bit. I promise I'm going to take you a mile high. so don't you cry because it'll just be baby baby baby nonstop until the end of the night. so keep your mouth shut I can tell you're a good fuck just by the way you wear that innocent look. don't you know that enough is never enough? I made you now you are property I can't discard.....
...........figure it out......
Current Mood: lonely

22nd November 2004

10:04pm: stupid computer.....
well i had this awesome post about my life, but my computer messed up and i dont feel like retyping it.....sigh.....maybe later....
Current Mood: aggravated

20th November 2004

12:35am: no label
i havent updated in some time now. i guess ive just been busy lately. finals are finally over and my new classes are pretty cool.

lately ive been hanging out with old friends of mine. ive needed the companionship of others right now. i feel so alone sometimes....i dont know.....but its been fun just driving around aimlessly, looking for guitars or going out to eat. i love china buffet.....

i had to work tonight. i loved it, the people there are just so cool. me + greg + mandi = good times. but something was wrong with teresa. she looked like she was gonna cry the entire time she was there. you could hear her broken voice from her crying earlier. i asked her if she was ok...she just nodded and walked away. i didnt push it any further. i hate when you just want your space and people always try to pry into your personal life...but im still curious. i hope everything is ok. but anyways....after work i went over to matts place. a little shin dig was commencing....

and mandi showed up too! i didnt expect her to actually come, but she did. she's so cool...i can talk to her about anything without sounding stupid. i mainly talked to her the entire time i was at matt's. i just couldnt get involved into what everyone else was talking about. i ended up just hanging out in my car with mandi for awhile. reminiscing about the good ol' days ....sigh....i miss them....

it seems like everyone is changing. not necessarily in a bad way. its just different for some reason. or is it just me who is changing? i dont really know. i dont feel like ive changed too much. meh. deep thinking while eating breadsticks at 1 a.m. isnt working out for me. im gonna turn this music up and dream now. everyone have a good weekend!
Current Mood: full

13th November 2004

12:34pm: theres a shiny new stop sign in the trunk of my car.....hehehe

anyways, ive learned that if you sneak out of your house around 3 in the morning, its gonna be cold. very cold. but worth it. so many things happened last night, they all just kinda swirl together........


DUDE....GET THAT SHOPPING CART!!

SHIT!! I RIPPED MY PANTS!!

It's bolted......
yeah.........
so i cant take it off.....
yeah......
so were gonna have to find something else....
yeah.....
im walking away now......
yeah....

you dumbsillies.....


big plans for today too. going to the mall with tons of people. should be fun.....
Current Mood: just woke up

11th November 2004

7:03pm: its been awhile since ive posted..i guess i just forgot....meh

many things have happened since my last post....here we go!!

1.i finally got my car
2.i finally got my car
3.went to an awesome concert
4.other stuff........

anyways...tomorrow should be fun. friday...hmmmmmmmm.......who's up for some sign stealing? anyone?
Current Mood: anxious

31st October 2004

10:39pm: old friends, jews, and pizza....
what an exciting weekend. i got to see old friends, hang with my dad, and much more....

friday i had to work as usual. but during my shift, guess who walks in....PAT HABBEGAR!! i love that kid. and he moved somewhere, so i never get to see him. so i talk to him and matt for a good while. theyre talking and stuff, and customers are walking in too..im just staring at them cause they tend to get excited and talk louder and louder every minute. i was loving it, just watching from a distance while making pizzas. good times. so they leave and i get off work. ive realized how cool everyone at my work really is. i was thinking when i got a job i would get some shit manager and everyone wouldnt accept me, cause i would be the new guy. but it turns out, i get the easiest job, the coolest manager/good friend, and people that i can talk to about anything without feeling like a dumbass....im a lucky guy. so matt and pat(i love saying that)..come back and we go over to the latter's house. somehow we end up on his roof, and pat and i catch up on things. i also get introduced to his awesome older brother. i loved listening to his theories/ideas/thoughts. he knows music like none other. he even introduced me to this kick ass downloading forum thing. if only i knew how to actually get it..
we watched mission hill and invader zim episodes til about 4 in the a.m. had to wake up for matt's church thing. some clothing drive for people in some asian country. i stole this awesome sweater thing, but i kinda feel bad about it. they had millions of shirts and stuff though, so its not like they will miss it....meh....
and i had to work at 9 that morning till five.....what a long day...one of my coworkers named brad is a slacker and it was pissing me and my boss off. my boss doesnt ever get mad, ever, and i finally saw what happens when he does. note to self...do not get on his bad side. the coolest thing happend though...two jewish guys walked in, and i mean hardcore jewish....yamakas, kosher, sideburns, beards, EVERYTHING!! i got to talking to them, and i think i might become religious. i dont think im spelling it right, but they were mossiac jews or something. im checking it out.....
that night i go over to brads place to watch some movies, but brad is nowhere to be found. it was pretty funny. who invites people to your house and not be there when everyone shows up. 10 minutes later he shows up, and i go to his room to find out where he was.....cant talk about it.....
i had good fun that night....i love acid!!
sunday rolls around and i just work...nothing special......wow that was a long post...but im bored. well happy halloween to all of you kids. i hope you had a better one than i did...
Current Mood: mellow

28th October 2004

7:36pm: its hard to change yourself. its even harder to change perceptions
are we just a reflection of others thoughts? are we just what others want us to be? lately people have been giving me a lot of crap about my past and the things i used to do. but im moving on. why must people dwell in the past? that isnt me anymore. that just isnt me. the more i tell myself that, the better i feel. i hate high school...rumors and all...

i havent even met these people and they assume......

oh well. i guess that is how they live. i just dont understand how someone can act like they know you, but ask them anything about you. they wont know. they dont know. if anyone reads this...dont assume, dont listen to rumors, you may be hurting another person. someone just like you.

meditation is so calming. im starting it up again. hopefully some good might come out of it. i might even become enlightened!(it takes years of meditation and inward looking and focus for one to actually become enlightened). but someday i will find something that takes the anger and frustrations away...without the help of certain unnamed narcotics......

thats all for now. im done ranting...
Current Mood: thoughtful

25th October 2004

11:49pm: my mind screams sleep, but my body says watch tv and listen to music
im not tired, but its 11:50 in the p.m. i didnt do my english paper thats due tomorrow....but i have study hall, so im good.....hopefully.....

the drew carey show is pretty funny.....

i think i have a sleeping problem, this is the normal thing for me. and the thing is, i wont go to sleep for another hour or so, and wake up at 6:30. then im tired all day long. and sometimes school is unbearable. i usually nod off in at least 2 classes.....oh well.....

"let me ask you something....when you tilt your head to the side, does it sound like a rainstick?"
Current Mood: awake

24th October 2004

10:57pm: best thing ive said for a long while, and i quote,

"when you shoot arabs on the red dot on their foreheads, they go DING!!!"

i got my car today. it feels good to be alone and just drive. i can think better. i cant describe it that well. i just feel relaxed and away from everything that troubles me. i loved it. should be driving to school soon. but i feel really sick, so im not gonna go to school tomorrow. hopefully i can finish my homework tomorrow . ...hahahhahh.....why do i procrastinate so much?
Current Mood: sick

23rd October 2004

11:21pm: what an eventful day....

i worked for 8 hours today. although rather long, i had tons of fun. theresa was there, and normally we run out of things to talk about withing the first hour. then it tends to get wierd....but not today. we were laughing and talking pretty much the entire time. i love getting to know people better and spending some good time with them, not just the "hey, how are you" and then walking away. my car is finally finished. my pappy is calling the insurance company on monday, so i should be driving after school. it has taken so long to fix it up, the excitement has been building up....like the day before christmas when you're just a wee lad....

after work its time to hang out with my good friends matt and david. there are certain people that no matter what you say, or who you are, they accept you. and these guys are definately it. we went and saw "the grudge". one of the scariest movies ive seen in quite some time. i actually jumped a few times, which is simply amazing, because i never get scared. not a good storyline either, which only heightens the scariness. matts phone went off, and everyone got pissed. then i said "dammit matt" and as i turned to watch the movie again, there was a phone on the screen and guess who had called....someone named matthew....what are the chances? oh, and kyle made it too. that kid is something else. i can literally see the emotions flying out of him, what a crazy guy. im making your next show man.....im making your next show.....

went to matts for a bit, and now im home. one day left of this break, and i need to call some people i promised i would. hopefully she will answer her phone tomorrow. if not, im up for anything. well im done jew jabbering for now.....
Current Mood: contemplative

22nd October 2004

3:25pm: i just cant get any cooler....
ive been doing nothing all day and been loving it. i downloaded the best game ever onto my computer.....super mario world. been sitting here for at least two hours playing it i think. and i have the right to, its been so long since ive touched a videogame.

i love fall breaks......

but i gotta go to work...for the second time today....in like an hour. i work 20 hours this weekend....meh.....this game is awesome....
Current Mood: relaxed
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